Alcatraz is for Lovers
by SanguineCross
Summary: Oneshot; Ladd and Isaac are in jail together, but how do you relieve pent up tension without your woman around to help? Slightly cracky, Isaac x Russo. Rated M for hot stuff.


a oneshot by Sanguine, requested by UmakBill

It stank in here. Ladd lit a cigarette and lay on his back, glaring at the ceiling, as if by pure force of will he could disintegrate it. His prison clothes were ill-fitting and scratched, hardly befitting a man of his status. And his bunkmate was some annoying little shit who wouldn't shut up. He had half a mind to sharpen a spoon and jam it into the fucker's eye; he could almost imagine the squelch and the following scream, and he allowed himself a smirk of satisfaction.

Moonlight streamered in through the bars of the window set high above. He stood and paced restlessly, back in forth in front of the bars, anger gnawing at his insides. He wanted _out_, he wanted out _now,_ he needed to get out and find that sexy little blonde of his, fuck her, and then blow her brains out before someone else got to her. His hands twitched, and he wished he were holding his trusted shotgun; and in his mind's eye, he cocked it, put it to his shoulder, and sighted down the barrel at a guard's head...

"Hey, Russo," Isaac broke in.

Ladd gritted his teeth and grabbed onto the bar before speaking. "What now, Isaac?"

Isaac sat up in his bunk, running a hand through his hair. Ladd glared at him, wishing he had something to get rid of those _fucking ridiculous sideburns_ the other man sported. "I can't remember! Did you ever have a girlfriend, Russo?"

"What the hell business is it of yours?" he snapped.

Isaac turned onto his stomach, cupping his chin in his hand. "It just struck me as being rather odd, a guy like you not having a woman on his arm!"

Russo blinked. Was the little shit _trying_ to piss him off? His stump throbbed once, irritably. "Of course I have a girlfriend! I'm surprised a hick like you managed to find a woman stupid enough to slob your two-inch knob." He turned and rested his forehead against the bars, willing the bastard to shut up.

"I've got one, too, an adorable girl named Miria," he continued, seemingly oblivious. "What's your girl's name?"

"Fuck off," Russo growled, turning and heading back to his bunk. He took another drag of smoke, shutting his eyes. At this rate he'd never get to sleep, and thus never get to dream about being elsewhere, shotgun in one hand, Lua in the other, the world as his oyster to crack open.

Isaac leaned over the side of the bed. He smiled. Ladd glared.

"So? What's her name?"

Maybe answering him would get him to shut up. "Lua Klein."

"That's German, isn't it? I bet she's blonde and blue-eyed and _very_ beautiful! My Miria's the same way, beautiful like a lily in th--"

Ladd smirked as Isaac overbalanced and fell to the ground with a thud. Served the fucker right.

"Like a lily in the moonlight," he finished, standing and dusting himself off.

"Do you ever shut up?" growled Russo, taking a final lungful of smoke before stubbing it out against the wall.

"Why would I, when there's so much to talk about?" replied Isaac, still smiling amicably. "What do you plan on doing when you get out?"

"I'm gonna escape, first off," muttered Russo, fumbling awkwardly with his pack of cigarettes, "mostly to get away from talkative shits like you. And second off, I'm gonna find Lua again, fuck her 'till she can't move, and then kill her."

"Kill her? Why would do that if you love her?"

"Because she wants me to." He flicked open his lighter with a practiced movement, putting it to the end of his smoke before continuing. "And I'm happy to oblige!"

Isaac seemed surprisingly unperturbed. "It's odd, for sure! But, I suppose whatever makes a couple happy..."

Ladd grunted, taking a pull of smoke. Isaac was blessedly silent for a moment.

"You have sex a lot with her, don't you?" he said suddenly, striking a pensieve pose. Russo didn't answer, his eyebrows furrowed slightly in aggravation. "Yes, quite a lot! I expect you're just _bursting_ with sexual energy, eh?!" He began to pace, talking as if he were thinking aloud. "But since your beloved Lua isn't here, how can you relieve any of that built up tension?!"

Ladd blinked and watched him in silence, puffing at his cigarette. There was something strangely fascinating about this stupid hick's thought process; and suddenly Isaac stood straight, his finger in the air, an idea having struck him.

He climbed onto Russo's bed, gently relieved him of his cigarette, and planted a kiss on his lips.

His first instinct was to lash out, which he did, with his missing arm, meaning he just waved his shirtsleeve in Isaac's face. His second was to snarl, "_What the hell do you think you're doing?!_"

"I'm relieving you of your sexual tension!" Isaac smiled, coming forwards again.  
Russo shoved him backwards roughly. "_I ain't queer!_"

Isaac grinned. "Oh, you're just playing hard to get! I understand, I understand - it must be _hard_ to admit how lonely you are!"

"I ain't lonely, and I ain't queer," he snapped, "now you better fuck right off before I fucking beat you to a pulp."

Isaac looked thoughtful. "Is it because you want to be on top? You seem pretty dominating!"

Russo clapped his hand to his forehead. "Read my lips, you fucking moron! _I AIN'T QUEER._ Touch me again and I'll fucking tear your face off."

Isaac rose again, a thought striking him. "You just want it rough! That's it!"

And somehow, he found himself on his back with his legs in the air, Isaac pinning his one limb to the bed with surprising ease. He struggled, but it was just an exercise in futility. Isaac took out a small tube of lubricant, smiling. "Miria was right when she said I'd need this!" He undid Russo's pants and slid them down completely, then flipped open his own fly.

"_LET ME GO YOU SON OF A BITCH!_" Russo screeched, almost beside himself with rage as he felt his buttocks slicked down with lube. "_LET ME GO!_"

A prison guard banged his billy club against the bars. "Shut up in there, you queerboys," he snapped, "you ain't the only ones stemmin' the rose tonight."

Isaac bent and licked Russo's neck, ignoring the other man's protests, his free hand going to his flaccid member. "I've never done it with a guy before!" he said brightly, still smiling. "I hope it's as good as doing it with a woman!" He carefully brought himself to Russo's entrance, and thrust in.

Russo gave a cry of fury, and Isaac made a gasp of surprise.

"It's so _tight!_" he said in awe, beginning to thrust, much to Ladd's chagrin, "I've never felt anything so _tight_ before!"

Ladd yelped suddenly, feeling a sudden incredible spark of pleasure at Isaac's thrusting, something new, something _fantastic_; and as the sensation continued, he moaned and lay back, and in spite of everything, he began to get hard. It was almost too much to take, this feeling, oh _god_ this feeling was putting him at the edge of control, and any more could--

"_YES!_" he moaned, "oh god _yes_, don't stop, don't stop...!"

Isaac began to pant, going deeper, releasing his grip on Russo, who desperately grabbed him by the hair and pulled him down, kissing him, hungering at him like a man dying of thirst. He was rock hard, his hips bucking, and Isaac groaned and their tongues twined around each other, each man clinging to the other in almost insatiable sexual need. Isaac's hands yanked off Russo's shirt, and they soon lay cleaved to each other; Isaac worried at his nipples and his neck, bringing him almost the the brink, and Russo used his one free hand to stroke his own member, filled with pure unbearable ecstacy.

And it went on for hours; Russo lay on his stomach, clutching at the covers as Isaac took him from behind, his hands wrapped around his cock, or in Isaac's lap, clinging to him like a woman to her lover, or just on his back, squeezing Isaac's hips tight. It was unbelievable how _amazing_, how incredible, how _utterly fucking fantastic_ it was, and as he lay on his back again, letting Isaac rock him like a wave, he felt pleasure building up high on to the ecstatic plateau just before - just before

With a moan, he bucked, once, twice, three times, and came so hard he almost blacked out. Isaac gasped, watching in fascination as pure white semen spilt onto the other man's skin. He dipped, licking it off his chest; Ladd panted, his face flushed with raw want, his blonde hair plastered to his forehead by the sweat of their long hours together. Isaac thrust in a few final times before reaching climax, his back arching. He collapsed on top of Russo, his breath coming in short takes, and the other man kissed him wetly on his forehead.

"Holy shit," Ladd whispered, "holy fucking shit."

"That was way better than anything I've ever done before." Isaac's heartbeat began to slow slightly. "Aren't you glad I helped you relieve your sexual tension?"

"Shut the fuck up, Isaac."

Fin.


End file.
